We were in Satsang on Maui, in a beautiful house overlooking the ocean with Dr. Laurie, and I was starting to feel short of breath, and extremely nervous. I was sort of shaking, and my heart was beating like crazy. It was so strange to me, and uncomfortable, and so I shared about it, how this had been happening to me every so often since I was little. Amazingly, Laurie understood completely. She had heard of this, and even experienced it, and to my surprise, other participants in the Satsang group had also been through this.
Laurie invited me to let the nervousness well up and surrender to it. She said there was something in me that needed to come out as energy and be expressed, and that after 10 or 15 minutes I would feel relief and something brand new. I wanted to let go into the experience, but it felt so scary, so very physical and uncomfortable! Laurie affirmed that yes, this IS a very physical experience that wants to happen. And so with the loving presence and support of everyone who sat with me, I let these big shivers shake my body, and out of the blue, I was sobbing like I had never sobbed before. I felt a bit of embarrassment but I knew with all my heart that the others were honored to be in this experience with me.
I kept sobbing, and suddenly saw my mother after just having given birth to me. It all played out like a movie! She was scared and uncertain. And I felt SUCH sadness for myself as a baby, who had brought so much love with me from the other side into this world, who would be so misunderstood --- and at the same time I was overwhelmed with love and compassion for my mother, who was so scared and vulnerable at this moment. Such compassion and such sadness I was experiencing. I saw my father too, putting all his attention on my mother in the hospital room. He wanted her to be ok, and she was freaking out inside her self.
I kept sobbing, in this crystalline experience. Eventually, the sobbing subsided, and I felt this great deluge of love. Laurie asked what I was feeling, and I said, LOVE. My heart had slowed down, and I was no longer nervous. I was so present, peaceful, and so in love and compassion for my divine self as a baby and for my mother who tried her best and who I now understood from a deep place in my heart. I looked around at the other participants, and they were so lovingly being with me, sharing how honored they were to share that. Never has there been a safer place for me to explore things as a Dr. Laurie Satsang Seminar. I didn’t even know I needed to explore. I am forever grateful!
Lesley Littlefield Freeman
Dr. Laurie Moore, LMFT, CHT